The Future Is Not Set

Dear Blog,

Today was a rough day for me. I can only hope that you would be the listening ear I need for today.

Today, I got my posting results from the JAE (Joint Admission Exercise). It is supposed to tell us which school we are to be admitted from tomorrow onwards, and that study life is about to commence once again. Yes, I was on holiday previously till now.

Anyways, I’ve got a big day tomorrow, now that I know that I’m posted into a Junior College (JC) over a Polytechnic. I really don’t know how to feel about it – it wasn’t the JC I had hoped for. Sad in a way I guess, but I’m not going to let that take the better of me. I will remain cheerful as always, optimistic. I am supposed to expect to get my posting results via JPSAE tomorrow as well. I’m hoping it’ll bring more promising news – that at the very least, I’ll have a choice of a polytechnic as well. The JC I have been admitted is very far away. Away from everything I know, friends, family, community.

Mother has been very supportive of me today as well. It’s not too hard to wonder why.

Tomorrow will determine where I’ll be spending my next two to three years. The people I will meet, the destiny, laid before me.

I spent most of today in denial, sleeping it through, thinking and evaluating my chances of success. I am still sceptical that the day has come, the day where I am admitted into my future. Until tomorrow at the very least. I need to pinch myself to remind myself this is not a dream.

So I came up with two advantages, at the very least to convince myself that things won’t be too bad. That perhaps the thought process of me selecting this JC to be even on my list of considerations initially in the submission of the JAE phase, was not all that ill-planned.

The advantages of attending a JC very far away:

  1. I can now pursue my ambition of learning a language, probably French, without much distraction, in the comfort of the MRT every day, for an hour.
  2. I will be able to meet lots of new people. People, I can only imagine who will see me differently 

It’s pretty double edged on the second point. Probably because I fear alienation. Dad brought me to see how it’s like there today. I must admit that it indeed felt very awkward to be in a community that I’m not accustomed to. This, however, I can imagine, can be overcome by much familiarity of the everyday routine of going to the new school. I have yet to figure if I want to overcome it just yet.

In more ways than others, I write to you not to comfort you as much as it is to comfort myself. The future is not set. I refuse to believe it is. And I will have to keep trusting in God, that he has prepared the way ahead of me.

Until tomorrow,

Always hopeful, Ka Wai

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