Anticipation

The sky hangs a soft blue hue from out the glass wall by which I stand and watch the evening unfold. In the distance, the silhouettes of trees outline the boundary where the sky meets earth; It’s leaves morph from a dark green to a deep black in the backdrop of the impending night, blurring the lines where the boundary settles.

It is a quiet evening tonight, as quiet as evenings go around the dwelling room. Mom and Dad are not back home yet, and Mun is in her room as usual. All seems to be as it should be, perfect in the little ways that I call my daily routine. It is all as is should be so much so much so that I find myself needing to remind myself that tonight is not going to be like the previous nights however. No. Unlike those previous nights, this night calls for the twilight to ravel in it’s quietness alone.

Sorry evening, I cant join you tonight. My mind is filled with the urgency that stems from the need that is to pack my luggage. I can’t join you, as much as I really want to. 

The night stares back at me with it’s unblinking eyes, it’s quietness persisting as it tries to pierce the disarray that floods my mind.

I have always loved nights like this for that reason; the persistence of the quietness of night has a way of helping me remain calm. I find comfort in that. Alas, it also helps me to root my day, my life and everything I know back into perspective. Standing from where I stand by my bed, worried, it put things into perspective for my cluttered thoughts.

Calm thoughts, there is no need to panic – I still have 4 hours, I tell myself.

I look back down at what should be an almot completely packed bag. I am greeted by an empty shell of my luggage bag instead, a miserable attempt to get my things sorted out and ready.

Sigh.

I turn my gaze back out into the deep night, letting myself wonder again, looking for the accutest of details to try distract my mind. Though it is an irrational thought, I know I will miss the skies over my familiar home. I will really be only missing out on a week of it. However, just thinking about it makes me lose myself in what that might mean.

7 days; thats a heck of a lot of seconds right there – though in all fairness, it’s not as if the night is out for even half that time. 

I wonder if the nighttime sky will miss me too when I’m gone; would it even notice?

Probably not.

The night has got it’s way of being indifferent. Not neccessarily in a bad way, but in a way, quite the opposite: it can be a good thing. It has a way of being indifferent in that same comforting way that cats seem to be oblivious. It’s so self absorbed in itself, too busy to bother about what others are worried about. In some ways, I think I can live with that. Indifference is good, it helps to not over think some things sometimes.

I take a glance at the time on the phone only to be reminded of the march of time.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock. 

Time waits for no man is an appropriate saying, tonight bearing no exception. As much as the evening calms me, I know too well the trap that is layed before me should I continue to stand here and watch. I need to get packing my bag, and I need to get packing fast.

I turn my back against that good night, the whisper of the trees behind me beckoning me to look again. I resist, turning back down to my bed where a fray of clothes still lie next to my luggage.

Directly next to the luggage, lies my fleece shirt; a deep blue sweat pullover that I had placed aside, sure that I will be using it on my flight tonight. The cold doesn’t get serious till we get off the plane, but I’m not taking my chances on this one, specially if I’m going to have to deal with negative celcius’: A slip on fleece is a good backup against the cold.

I hear the urgency that is the hum of cars driving by the dimly lit roads, the urgency that is in the sound of tires rushing over asphalt as I throw in everything I am sure I will need. First the winter wear, than, everything else.

The sky is a lot darker since the last time I looked out the window; the sounds of cars rushing by are no longer as frequent as they initially were. I allow myself to wonder once again, this time on the trip ahead of me.

~

Dear Diary,

I am really looking forward to Hokkaido; looking forward to the things I might see there and the experiences I will be emmersed in. Mom and Dad has told me that I have been there before sometime when I was still really young. I am not too sure if I enjoyed myself then, though I’ll like to think that I had a blast then. Whatever the case, I am determined as ever to make this upcoming trip a happy one.

Off the top of my head, I can roughly think of 4 things I really look forward to, there.

  1. The snow
  2. Sushimi
  3. Ramen
  4. More snow

I will elabourate more on each of these things to you at another time. For now though, I just want to share with you this thought that has been bothering me for quite some time now.

Sure, I tell you that I an determined to stay happy and all, but really, I know the truth behind it all: why I am so determined to make it a happy trip.

This trip will be my last trip overseas as a teenager, and sometime just about knowing that seems alittle off. Time flies I guess, but jeez, I never thought it would have been this fast. Perhaps, I should really start living more.

Until the next time I write to you, and Yours Sincerely, Ka Wai

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Anticipation

  1. ofallthingsbeautifulblog says:

    This is really refreshing, loved the description at the beginning 🙂 I think you have an attention to detail and empathy that you weave really well into a story. I understand that this post is more of a blog style of things that actually happened, but it still has this slight whimsical feeling. It’s really immersive without being boring. Haha, I could go on but I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to reading more from you soon ^^

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ka Wai says:

      It has been a while since I’ve really last written, I must admit, but man, have you just inspired me to write again :). For the most part, I write on the impulse of whenever I feel rather emotional xD. I’m really grateful you took the time you read through my thoughts, though I must also admit that I am rather self cautious of my English now that I am made aware that people like you are reading it. I really appreciate it :). I’m guessing you’re also an INFP? 🙂

      Like

      • ofallthingsbeautifulblog says:

        Haha, I get what you mean. These days, I really only write when I feel that there’s something that can’t go by without being put down on paper. Oh, please don’t feel that way. You see, english isn’t my first language, so there are times when I totally feel the same. But haha, I’m glad if this comment made you want to write more. I’m saying this for my own personal good, really. Because I really do look forward to reading more from you, no pressure 😛 Ah, how did you guess? I was thrilled when I read that you were one too 🙂

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s