Resolve

Dear Diary,

I always knew it was only a matter of time before I’d come back around to writing to you again. I guess I had known it all along. Since the moment I’d stopped writing to you months back, it had only come back to haunt me then and again. I should have known better than to have stopped writing; knowing that I could have only avoided it for so long while I thought of what to write about next. I should have known better.

So here I am, bare, confused, and resolute in my resolve to write to you again. Bare because I feel exposed, and confused because it feels all strange and yet familiar to me at the same time. Perhaps confused might not be the right word. Perhaps the correct word is nostalgic? Vulnerable? Who knows? But nevertheless, one feeling is sure: resolution. Can you feel both at the same time? Can I feel both vulnerability and resolution at the same time? I do not know all the answers to my questions. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me either.

However, what I do know is that my writing now goes against my better judgement. Against what I know for a fact that once I continue, I cannot take my words back. Once spoken, my words are sealed.

As much as I am not too sure of who you are that is reading this now, I am confident of this one thing: I will be reading this back over again. You will be reading this back over again. I might be able to lie to you, but I can never lie to you. Yes, I am binding you to your words, and yes, I know the implications. Like I had said earlier, Resolute. No turning back now.

~

My intentions have not changed since the last time I’ve written. I told you before what I had intended to write to you about: to share with you about the world, though the eyes of the boy I am. A world of beauty and mystery, filled with the fullness of wonders that lies within. A world where the sky is still blue, and where the Sun is bright, and it’s warmth is just right. A world where people are free to be who the choose to be, who they want to be and who they choose to be with. A world of endless possibilities. My sentiments have not changed.

Keeping true to my cause of writing to you, being honest in my opinions, true to my thoughts, and sure of my ideas, I have thus decided that I will continue to write to you again. And as far as I can, always. This will be the start of a new beginning.

Yours Truly, Ka Wai

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